Amaha / / / Why Do Couples Fight? Understanding Arguments in Relationships & How to Handle Them Better
ARTICLE | 5 MINS READ
Published on
17th Jul 2025
Studies show that the average couple argues about once per week. So, if you’ve been wondering, “Are we fighting too much?” chances are, you and your partner are pretty normal.
“Arguments don’t break relationships. Unresolved resentment does.” says Dr. Elvin Lukose, Psychiatrist, Mumbai
The question is not whether couples should fight, but how to fight constructively and not hurt each other. Let's look deeply into this messy, complicated world of fights between couples and learn how to navigate them like teammates and not like opponents.
You know what's interesting? Most couples think they fight more than others. Some fight alternate days (usually about small stuff), while others have big blowouts monthly.
The frequency depends on several factors: Communication styles, stress levels, living arrangements, cultural background, and personal histories.
In Indian households, where joint families are common, couples might face additional pressures. My neighbor once told me how she and her husband rarely fought until they moved in with his parents. Suddenly, every small disagreement feels out of hand.
But if both of you are:
…then maybe it’s time to hit pause and rethink the patterns.
Financial stress tops the list of couple fights globally, and it's particularly intense in Indian households. Whether it's deciding on EMIs, managing household expenses, or dealing with family financial obligations, money disagreements can get ugly super fast.
"Why don't you ever help with the dishes?" This question has probably started more fights than any movie plot. Unequal division of household chores remains a major source of conflict, especially in dual-income families where traditional roles are shifting.
Sometimes couples fight more because of miscommunication and poor listening skills rather than just not talking. One person says something, the other hears something completely different.
In Indian culture, extended family opinions often influence couple dynamics. Whether it's in-laws commenting on career choices or relatives offering unsolicited advice, external pressures can create internal conflicts.
You might have heard about couples falling out of love with each other, not having the same kind of attraction they used to have while they first got together. Life’s struggles get in the middle of the attraction between partners so it is important to do things that keep the spark and connection alive.
Career expectations, breaks or even ambition if not managed well by the couple can create a rift in relationships. When work becomes a priority and love takes a back seat, unmet expectations creep in to cause disconnection and frustrations that break a relationship.
There’s no one way to live a life. Diverse paths individuals choose in structuring their lives, including everything from unconventional lifestyles to varied family dynamics. It delves into the spectrum of parenting philosophies, including conscious decisions to have or not have children, and examines how these choices shape individual experiences and societal norms.
Research shows these are the top triggers:
Daily irritants: Leaving wet towels on the bed, not putting things back in place, forgetting to buy milk Major life decisions: Career changes, having children, relocating for work Social habits: How much time to spend with friends versus family Personal space: Need for alone time versus togetherness Future planning: Financial goals, retirement, children's education
There's actually an appropriate way to fight. Who knew?
Don't start heavy conversations when someone's hungry, tired, or stressed. Timing matters more than you think. Choose a moment when both of you can focus without distractions.
Instead of "You never listen to me," try "I feel unheard when my concerns aren't acknowledged." It's not just grammar - it's psychology. You're expressing your experience rather than attacking their character.
Don't bring up that time three months ago when they forgot your anniversary. Address the current issue without dragging historical baggage into it.
This is harder than it sounds. We're often so busy preparing our comeback that we miss what our partner is actually saying.
When you feel a fight brewing, call a timeout. Agree to revisit the issue in 24 hours. This prevents heat-of-the-moment statements that you'll regret later. It’s okay to say, “Can we continue after I’ve calmed down?”
Couples who've mastered healthy conflict often have a code word that means "let's pause and reset." It might sound silly, but it works.
Don't let small irritations pile up until they explode. If something bothers you, mention it calmly before it becomes a big deal.
Repeat back what you heard your partner say. "So you're feeling overwhelmed because..." This simple technique prevents misunderstandings. Licensed and trained therapists from Amaha have handled thousands of couples with such issues and can help you and your partner navigate through these problems and re-connect with each other.
After an argument, some people shut down completely. They stop talking, avoid eye contact, and act like their partner doesn't exist. This is called the silent treatment. It's one of the most damaging things you can do to a relationship.
The silent treatment is different from taking space to cool down. When you take space, you communicate your needs and set a timeframe. The silent treatment is punitive, it's designed to make the other person suffer.
Dr. Ahmed explains: "Silent treatment activates the same pain centers in the brain as physical injury. It's psychological warfare, not conflict resolution."
If you're getting the silent treatment, don't chase or beg. Give them space but set boundaries. "I understand you need time, but we need to talk about this within 24 hours."
Signs for when matters are getting out of hands and you need professional intervention. Not all fights are created equal. Some patterns should worry you:
If you keep having the same argument without any progress, something's wrong. Healthy couples learn and grow from conflicts.
If fights are happening more often and getting more vicious, it's time to seek help.
If fights involve name-calling, threats, or physical violence, this isn't normal conflict - it's abuse.
Paradoxically, couples who never fight might have problems too. It could mean one person is suppressing their needs.
If you start feeling that you are not the same person you used to be. Constantly doubting yourself, constantly feeling tired and fatigued, Feeling hopeless about “things ever changing” then things are beyond your control, reach out to a couples therapist.
Also read: Therapist approved tools to improve your relationship
Here’s the golden rule: Arguments aren’t wars to win. Ask questions like:
Fighting in relationships means you care enough to work through problems instead of giving up. The goal isn't to eliminate conflict but to fight fair, fight constructively, and fight together against the problem rather than against each other.
Remember, every couple has their own fighting style. What matters is that you're both committed to growing together, learning from conflicts, and treating each other with respect even when you disagree.
Couples who learn how to fight well? They stay together longer. They grow. They understand each other more deeply. Not because they avoid fights. But because they know how to come back stronger.
You don’t need to fight less. You need to fight better.
Healthy couples typically argue 2-3 times per week, with some experiencing daily minor disagreements and others having monthly major discussions. The frequency varies based on communication styles, stress levels, and life circumstances. What matters more than frequency is how constructively conflicts are resolved.
The top reasons include money management, household responsibilities, communication issues, family interference, and future planning. In Indian households, extended family opinions and traditional vs. modern role expectations often add additional conflict sources.
Daily fights about minor issues can be normal, but constant major arguments indicate underlying problems. If daily conflicts are about small irritants (like chores or habits), it might just be a communication style. However, if they're intense or unresolved, consider relationship counselling.
Key strategies include addressing issues early before they escalate, using "I" statements instead of accusations, practicing active listening, setting boundaries around fighting (no name-calling or bringing up past issues), and learning to take timeouts when emotions run high.
Concerning signs include fights that never resolve, increasing frequency and intensity of arguments, any form of abuse (physical, emotional, or verbal), complete avoidance of conflict, or when fights damage self-esteem and relationship satisfaction. These situations warrant professional help.