Why It’s Okay to Not Want to Transform Your Life Starting January 1, 2023

Each year around December, there is quite a buzz around New Year resolutions. We see friends making party plans to celebrate, colleagues reflecting on the progress made in the past year, and loved ones setting goals for the year to come. 

So, it seems that reflecting on these 12 months and setting ambitious new year resolutions is “essential” for personal growth. But this doesn’t have to be true for everyone. In fact, this traditional way of thinking about personal growth can be particularly challenging for those coping with mental health challenges like depression, anxiety, stress or ADHD.

Also read: Can Your New Year Resolutions Contribute to Depression?

Here are 5 reasons why it is perfectly okay to skip making new year's resolutions for yourself next year.

Long-term goals can be unrealistic

More often than not, year-long goals can be too ambitious or broad. For example, “Save more money”. Trying to stick to such a vague goal could do more harm than good. You may try to save money each month without a clear plan on how to do this and end up disappointed if you didn’t save as much as you had expected. You may even criticise yourself, even though it is not your fault - the expectation was unrealistic.

Gentle reminder: you can only do so much, and that’s okay. Rest is important too.

Your priorities will change with time and as you grow 

By nature, resolutions are year-long commitments that are not subject to change. They assume that each year is an equal opportunity to work on our personal goals. However, while each year has 364 or 365 days, no year is the same as the last. Our priorities, needs & goals change every day. From our thoughts, beliefs and behaviour to interpersonal dynamics, events in our lives or something larger like a pandemic - it is all dynamic. So, if the year is unclear, is it fair to expect ourselves to have clarity on our year-end goals? 

Take-home exercise: If you are having a hard time being kind to yourself, imagine your close friend was going through the same situation. What would you tell them? 

Also read: 10 Tips on How to Cope With Being Alone Around New Year’s Eve

Progress depends on your perception 

New Year Resolutions are often black-and-white goals. In trying to achieve them, you may miss out on the larger picture. 

Think of this, you had planned to cycle each morning, but missed a few mornings to get in 8 hours of sleep. While your cycling goal may have taken a backseat, you still stuck to your larger goal of taking care of your body. Focussing on progress rather than improvement could be far more beneficial for your mental health.

Therapist-recommended tip: Think of any goal as an experiment, rather than a target. This can reduce the pressure on achievement and help you look at each day as one step of a larger journey.

It’s important to rest and recover too

When we think about our goals or personal growth, it can be tempting to focus on the actionable. But one of the most underrated factors contributing to growth is rest. Today, most of us are so caught up in the day-to-day events of our lives that we forget to rest. Instead of starting the year with a to-do list, what if we started the year with a "to-be" list? 

Reflection prompt: What are some positive emotional states you want to experience more? For example, "I want to be satisfied. I want to be patient. I want to be relaxed." This could be an alternative way of thinking about your next year, instead of new year resolutions.

Your actions don’t determine your worth

It's important to remember that what you did in the year that has gone by does not define you as a person. You are more than one instance, one day, one week, or even one whole year. 

It's perfectly okay if you were not able to achieve everything that you might have wanted to. This doesn't change who you are, it just makes you human.

Also, whether you want to see growth in your relationship with your cat or the number of dumbbells you lift, it's your choice. Nobody can decide what’s good for you, better than you. 

Also read: Navigating the New Year in Addiction Recovery: 3 Tips for Preventing Relapse

Self-care suggestion: Try to include mental health goals in your day-to-day schedule. For example, spending time with loved ones, taking care of your body, resting and recovering. This can be a good reminder of your psychological needs too.

It can be difficult to challenge traditional ways of thinking about progress or personal growth, but if that is better for your health, it is worth it.

It's okay to not want to reflect on the past year. It's okay to just be in the moment and take it one day at a time. It's okay to put a pause on "doing" and try "being" for a while.

We're here for you through it all.

Happy New Year in advance. Stay hopeful and stay healthy.