Extramarital Affairs: Understanding Infidelity, Legal Changes, Mental Health & Emotional Impact in India

In a recent Delhi High Court judgment, the justices affirmed that decriminalisation of adultery doesn’t mean a “free pass”, extra marital relationships can still carry serious civil consequences.

Pratistha Trivedi Mirza, a renowned Mumbai-based Psychologist at Amaha, once told me during an interview: “Infidelity is rarely just about sex; it’s about longing, fear, unmet needs, identity.” Let's talk about what nobody wants to discuss openly but everyone searches for privately 

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What does “extra marital affair” and “infidelity” really mean?

An extra marital affair, refers to a romantic, emotional or sexual relationship between a married person & someone who isn't their spouse. The meaning of extra marital affairs extends beyond just physical intimacy. It encompasses emotional connections, digital relationships.

Infidelity meaning, in its broadest sense, includes any breach of trust in a committed relationship. Could be a secret emotional attachment. Could be a one-night situation after an office party. Could even be those late-night conversations with an ex that your partner doesn't know about.

Human beings are wired for novelty, emotional connection, and meaning. When those are missing at home: boredom, unmet intimacy, you can drift toward emotional or physical infidelity. Neuroscientists explain that Neurochemicals like dopamine spike with novelty; oxytocin bonds in closeness. An affair hijacks your brain’s reward system.

Types of Extra Marital Affairs You Should Know About

1. Emotional Affairs: These are the sneaky ones. No physical contact, but deep emotional intimacy with someone outside your marriage. You're sharing things with them you don't share with your spouse. In India, these often start innocuously through reconnections with school friends or college acquaintances.

2. Physical Sexual Affairs: The classic definition most people think of. Sexual relationship outside marriage. These can be one-time incidents or ongoing arrangements.

3. Cyber Affairs or Online Intimacy: Welcome to 2025. Dating apps, Instagram DMs, anonymous chat rooms. 

4. Micro-cheating / flirting: suggestive messages, hidden chats

5. Exit Affairs: When someone's already checked out of their marriage emotionally and uses an affair as the escape route or catalyst for divorce.

6. Revenge Affairs: "You hurt me, so I'll hurt you back." Especially common when one partner discovers the other's infidelity.

Often extra marital affairs begin emotionally and culminate into larger issues

Reasons and Causes of Infidelity - Why Do Extra Marital Affairs Happen?

Sometimes it isn’t “they wanted to cheat” but “something pushed them there.” Here are common causes:

1. Emotional Neglect and unmet intimacy: When your partner stops seeing you. Really seeing you. That new person at work who actually listens when you talk about your day? Dangerous territory.

2. Sexual Dissatisfaction: In India, where sex education is virtually non-existent and marital intimacy is rarely discussed openly, many couples struggle silently with sexual incompatibility for years.

3. Midlife crisis or identity confusion hitting a life stage where one questions purpose, ageing or achievements can push people toward risky behaviour or fresh excitement.

4. Opportunity: Working late hours. Business trips. The rise of co-working spaces in metro cities has created more opportunities for workplace relationships than ever before.

5. Seeking Validation or Addiction (to attention, novelty, validation) Sometimes it's not about the marriage being bad. It's about feeling invisible, ageing, losing your identity beyond being someone's parent or spouse.

6. Communication Breakdown: Resentment, unspoken conflicts - When couples stop talking about real things and only discuss groceries, school admissions, and EMI payments.

7. Low self-esteem, trauma, abandonment wounds - Past hurts and insecurity can drive someone to seek reassurance and affection elsewhere.

Warning Signs Your Partner Might Be Having an Extra Marital Affair

Look, I'm not suggesting you become a detective. But certain patterns deserve attention:

Sudden Secrecy: Their phone becomes Fort Knox. New passwords. The screen angled away from you. Deleted message histories.

Sudden changes in appearance or grooming habits: Joining a gym at 40 after refusing for fifteen years? Maybe genuine. Maybe not.

Emotional distance and withdrawal: They're physically present but mentally elsewhere. Conversations feel like talking to a polite stranger.

Defensive behaviour over innocent questions: "Why are you interrogating me?" when you simply asked about their day.

Unexplained absences or working late more frequently: Especially if their work place never required it before.

Decreased intimacy or sudden changes in sexual behaviour: Either significantly less interested or trying new things they never mentioned wanting to explore with you.

Unusual financial transactions: Odd expenses, hidden credit card bills or unexplained cash withdrawals can point to secret spending.

Guilt slips, accidental confessions: Small contradictory statements or oversharing can betray a burden they’re trying to hide.

Extra Marital Affair Impact on children, family, partners

• Trust breaks: between partners, and trust in family
• Trauma in children: anxiety, self-blame, insecurity
• Divided loyalties: children may feel they must take sides
• Social stigma: in Indian society, especially women often bear more blame
• Financial instability: legal battles, alimony, property division
• Family fragmentation: extended family pressure, custody fights

The Ripple Effects of Extra Marital Affairs: How Infidelity Destroys More Than Just Marriage

The effects of extra marital affairs extend far beyond the two people directly involved. 

• On Children: Kids are the most impacted when there are issues between partners. They sense tension even when parents think they're hiding it well. Children have difficulty forming secure attachments as adults.

They may blame themselves. "Did Papa leave because I wasn't a good enough child?" They become anxious, their academic performance drops, some develop behavioural problems.

• On the Betrayed Partner: The mental health impact of infidelity is brutal. Depression. Anxiety. Post-traumatic stress disorder. Discovering your partner's affair can trigger genuine PTSD symptoms: intrusive thoughts, hypervigilance, emotional numbness.

Sleep disturbances, Loss of appetite or overeating. Some people describe it as grief, except the person is still alive and sitting across from you at breakfast.

Self-esteem plummets. "What's wrong with me?" "Am I not attractive enough?" "Was I a bad spouse?" The questions loop endlessly.

• On Extended Family: Family gatherings become awkward. People take sides. Relationships fracture.
• On the Person Having the Affair: Guilt eats away at them. Living a double life is exhausting. That dopamine rush? It's eventually replaced by shame, anxiety, fear of discovery.

Mental health impact

Infidelity isn’t just relational; it’s psychological. Many experience:

• Depression, anxiety, panic
• Sleep problems, appetite changes
• Post-traumatic stress (especially if betrayal was large)
• Substance use, escapism
• Loss of self-worth
• Identity crisis: “Who am I now?”

Sometimes survivors show strength: resilience, new boundaries. But the road is painful.

What to Do When Your Partner Is Involved in an Extra Marital Affair

1. First, breathe. I know everything feels like it's collapsing. But panicked decisions rarely lead to outcomes you'll be comfortable with later.

2. Don't Confront Immediately in Anger: Screaming and shouting rarely produce honest conversations. Give yourself time to process. Talk to a trusted friend or therapist first.

3. Gather Information Without Obsessing: You deserve to know the truth. But don't become consumed by detective work. It'll damage your mental health further.

4. Ask for honest dialogue, safe space - Decide What You Need: Some marriages survive infidelity and emerge stronger. Others end, and that's okay too. There's no "correct" response. Only your response.

5. Seek Professional Counsel and Help: Marriage counsellors, therapists, psychiatrists. This isn't something to navigate alone. In cities like Mumbai, Bangalore, Delhi NCR, excellent relationship counsellors are available both in-person and online.

6. Set Boundaries and Expectations: If you're attempting reconciliation, both partners need clear boundaries. Complete transparency. Cut off contact with the affair partner. Consistent effort.

7. Don't Rush the Decision: You don't need to decide your marriage's fate immediately. It's okay to take weeks or months to figure out what you genuinely want.

8. Legal advice: You should know what are your rights and ways out just incase so speak to a professional lawyers regarding legal impact and consequences, if thinking divorce or separation)

9. Support network: Build your support group with friends, trusted family, support groups

Legal Landscape: Extra Marital Affairs and Indian Law in 2025

The 2018 Supreme Court Landmark Judgment: In September 2018, the Supreme Court of India struck down Section 497 of the Indian Penal Code, which criminalized adultery. This was a massive shift. Before this judgment, a man having an affair with a married woman could be jailed for up to five years. The woman herself couldn't be prosecuted, which the court found constitutionally unsound.

The five-judge bench unanimously held that Section 497 was unconstitutional, violating Articles 14, 15, and 21 of the Constitution. Justice D.Y. Chandrachud noted that the provision treated women as property of their husbands, which was "detestable."

Key takeaway: Extra marital affair is not a criminal offence. You cannot be arrested or jailed for adultery.

However, there are consequences. Under civil law, infidelity remains relevant.

Divorce Proceedings: Adultery is still a valid ground for divorce under various personal laws. Hindu Marriage Act, Special Marriage Act, they all recognise adultery as grounds for divorce.

Alimony and Maintenance: If you're the spouse who had the affair, courts may consider this when determining alimony amounts. You might receive reduced maintenance or, in some cases, none.

Child Custody: While courts prioritize the child's best interests, a parent's extra marital affair can influence custody decisions, especially if the affair negatively impacts the child's wellbeing.

Defamation Cases: If someone publicly discusses your extra marital affair in a manner that damages your reputation, you might have grounds for a defamation case. The legal boundaries here are nuanced.

Punishment for Extramarital Affairs in India: There's no direct criminal punishment. However, indirect consequences through civil litigation exist, particularly concerning divorce, maintenance, and property division.

Some Indian courts have also awarded damages to the aggrieved spouse in civil suits against the person their partner had an affair with, though these cases are less common and outcomes vary significantly. Kindly consult a professional lawyer for expert opinions on this matter**

Moving Forward: Healing after facing infidelity

Whether you're the betrayed partner, the one who strayed, or trying to rebuild a marriage post-infidelity, healing is possible. Not easy. Not quick. But it is possible.

Research shows that approximately 15-20% of marriages not only survive infidelity but report being stronger afterwards. Why? Because the crisis forced conversations that should've happened years earlier. It exposed fractures that needed addressing.

Some couples describe the affair as "the wake-up call we needed." Others find that the trust, once broken, cannot be adequately repaired, and they part ways with more clarity than bitterness.

What remains constant? You deserve respect, honesty, and the space to make informed decisions about your own life. Whether that's staying, leaving, or taking time to figure it out, your choice deserves support, not judgment.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can I track my spouse's phone legally if I suspect an extramarital affair?

In India, tracking someone's phone without consent violates privacy laws and the Information Technology Act, 2000. Even if you suspect infidelity, unauthorized phone tracking or hacking can lead to legal consequences for you.

Does time heal the emotional wound of infidelity?

Time helps with processing, support and inner work but the scars remain. As one person wrote: “You don’t get over it. Ever. You learn to live with it.”

Can I get a divorce immediately after discovering my partner's affair?

No, Indian divorce laws don't allow instant divorce. You must file a petition under relevant provisions of your personal law, attend hearings, and potentially undergo mandatory waiting periods ranging from six months to over a year.

Is having an emotional affair without physical intimacy grounds for divorce in India?

Yes. Indian courts recognise emotional affairs as "mental cruelty" under divorce laws. If you can demonstrate the emotional relationship caused significant distress, it constitutes valid grounds for divorce under Section 13(1)(ia) of the Hindu Marriage Act.

How do you cope with constant fear of being hurt again if you stay in the relationship?

Therapy (individual and couples) is essential; working through triggers, setting clear boundaries, rebuilding communication. Some say the relationship “never becomes the same” but it can evolve with honesty.

Is “betrayal trauma” a real thing and what does it feel like?

Yes, betrayal trauma refers to the powerful emotional and psychological injury from deception by someone trusted. It manifests as hypervigilance, flashbacks, emotional emptiness and difficulty trusting again

How does discovering infidelity affect your mental health long term?

Many people report persistent anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts and chronic stress responses. Over time these may contribute to physical health issues like migraines, poor immunity, or hypertension.