8 Healthy Ways to Cope with Anger

We usually think of anger as something that shouldn’t be expressed or avoided whenever possible. The reason could be anything - maybe we are afraid of being perceived differently, or we don’t want to hurt loved ones. The thing is, if you are feeling an emotion strongly, it’s a sign it needs to be processed and expressed.

Expressing anger in a healthy way can help avoid uncontrolled outbursts that could result in misunderstanding and strain our relationships. This blog will help you with tips on managing your anger during a heated situation, as well as long-term tips on developing a healthier relationship with anger.

Here are some ways you can deal with anger during a disagreement.

Anger Management tips for coping in the moment

1. Pause before speaking

When anger hits, we might end up saying something that could be potentially hurtful in the heat of the moment, without giving it much thought. It may not appear so at that moment, but in retrospect, we often feel we could have handled things differently. So it always helps to pause, so you can collect your thoughts & respond rather than react. Allow others present in the situation with you to do the same. 

2. Express your concerns once you are calmer

When you feel calm enough to think clearly again, try to articulate your concerns and frustrations in an assertive but empathetic way. It can be really hard to do, but that’s where the real work lies. As soon as you're thinking clearly, express your thoughts assertively. . State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.

Also read: Anger Management for a Happier Life

3. While communicating, stick to “I” statements 

Blaming the other person or criticising them in a tense situation might further strain the relationship. Instead, you can use “I” statements to describe your concerns while communicating. Here’s an example:

Don’t say: You never listen to me.

Instead, say: I feel hurt that you are on your phone every time we try to have a conversation.

Also Read: Anger in Relationships: Do’s and Don’ts

4. Humour helps

Cracking a few jokes in a tense situation can help lighten the mood, and see things from a better perspective. It shows that your intentions are positive, and helps the other person let their guard down. Keep in mind to not be sarcastic in your humour, because it can worsen the situation - sarcasm or passive aggressiveness can sometimes be an unhealthy outlet of unexpressed anger.

An important part of anger management is the work that goes on within yourself. Often, issues with anger reflect a deeper concern. Discovering the concern & unlearning your behaviours on a daily basis will help you live a fuller life over time. Here are some tips to help you cope better, over time.

Anger Management tips for the long-term

1. Don’t keep it all in

Holding on to the negative feelings that stem from uncomfortable experiences can spiral into anger outbursts if not dealt with healthily. Forgiveness can be a potent tool for helping you stay peaceful and not get swallowed up by negative thoughts about someone that caused you trouble.  

It could also help to shift your focus to solving the issue at hand. For example, if your partner is late to join you for dinner every night, schedule your meals for later when the both of you can sit together. 

Also Read: Is Your Anger a Problem?

2. Channelise your emotions

Indulging in physical activities can reduce stress by releasing the brain chemical dopamine in the process. If you start to feel like your anger is getting out of control, go for a run or take a brisk walk. You can also take part in physical activities you enjoy doing, like sports, or dancing.

3. Take time-outs from stress

Give yourself little breaks in between stressful hours of the day. Take a few moments out for some quiet time to feel prepared to go through the day without anger or irritation distracting or driving your behaviour. 

Also read: Five Tips To Reduce Stress

4. Learn relaxation techniques

Practising relaxation techniques like deep breathing and mindfulness can help with temper flares. You can close your eyes and imagine a place where you would ideally want to be, like a big meadow with sunlight filtering through the trees, or repeat an affirmation like - “Take it easy”. You can also listen to calming music, or spend time with a pet. 

It’s okay to speak to a professional too

If despite trying your best, the situation sometimes seems out of your control, then give yourself space to understand and acknowledge that realistically, some things may not change as fast as you may want them to. Some things need to be worked on gradually, and therapy can help. It can be quite challenging to learn to manage your anger all on your own. Amaha offers a wide range of mental health professionals available to help you with your mental health concerns. Start your mental health journey with us!