Effective Communication

Anger is an emotion that motivates you to do something about the situation that leads you to feel angry. It is important to communicate in a healthy manner, not just with others around you, but also with yourself. This will ensure that your anger is used productively - for resolving conflicts and addressing problems.

Communicating with Yourself

Replace the thoughts you have when you are angry

Your thoughts are likely to be extreme or exaggerated when you are angry. As a result, you might use harsh language when speaking to yourself, these thoughts can further worsen your anger. A good practice is to try to replace these thoughts, with a more balanced and neutral view. Acknowledge that things did not go your way and take stock of how you feel. At the same time, remind yourself that things may not be as bad as you initially thought.

Let go of your expectations

You may have certain expectations about the way things should be, about yourself and about others. When these expectations are not met, you may experience anger. In such cases, take a moment to pause and analyse your expectations. Are they realistic or unrealistic? If you attempt to adjust your expectations, you are less likely to feel disappointed and angry.

Try to understand your anger

When you feel angry, stop everything you are doing and think about what’s happening. Try to simply observe how you are feeling and get clarity about all possible reasons that could have made you angry. Focus on your breathing while you are thinking, as this will help you feel more in control while expressing your anger.

Listen to your body

When you feel angry, you are likely to experience it in your body. For instance, your heart may start beating faster, or your muscles might get tense. Notice how your body tries to tell you that you are angry. Do you feel your heart beating faster? By paying attention to these signs, you will be able to identify and deal with your anger before it escalates. You can also address these sensations to reduce your anger - for instance, by trying Progressive Muscle Relaxation to relax different parts of your body.

Communicating with Others

Pause before responding

When responding to something that makes you angry, avoid jumping to conclusions or reacting immediately. Instead, listen carefully, and try to understand what the other person is saying. Take time to think over what you want to convey. If required, leave the situation and come back when you feel calmer. 

Look at the lighter side of the situation

Humour not only helps you be more optimistic, but also reduces stress. and less aggressive. It can diffuse the tension created by anger, as long as it is used sensitively and is not intended to harm anyone. You can either use humour as a distraction (by reading a comic book or watching a funny video) or to directly address the situation. For example, if you think of calling your friend a pig in the middle of a fight, think of them as a pig and imagine them doing whatever a pig would do. This will help you laugh and ease you out of anger.

Try to understand the other’s perspective

When you get angry with someone (or when they get angry with you), spend some time to calmly listen to them and understand their perspective. Keep an open mind and acknowledge the other person’s needs and feelings. Conveying that you care through your actions and words can help the other person feel understood and diffuse the tension.

Focus on what can be done

When someone is angry with you, ask them questions about what they would like you to do to make the situation better. This can help you make better sense of what may have upset them in the first place, and by understanding their side, you can attempt to resolve the problem. Similarly, when you feel angry with someone, you can focus on what you can do to resolve the situation. Think of ways in which both of you can collaboratively address the problem.

Assert yourself

When you are angry, it is important to assert your needs and feelings clearly. While doing so, however, it is important to take care that you don’t appear hostile or aggressive, since this would negatively affect the way others will see you. Instead, try being considerate of the other person’s needs and feelings, and focus on arriving at a mutually acceptable solution. Using “I” statements that focus on your experience of a problem can be helpful.

Using these techniques and strategies in mind, you can not only manage your anger well but also improve the quality of your relationships with others by dealing with conflicts more healthily.