Amaha / / / Does Your Relationship Have Emotional Intimacy?
ARTICLE | 5 MINS READ
Published on
2nd Jun 2020
Every relationship is based on a certain level of intimacy. In romantic relationships, intimacy helps build closeness and compatibility and is linked to greater relationship satisfaction.
Intimacy is a hard concept to understand. It can be defined as the mutual willingness to be vulnerable, open and honest with one another. Intimacy requires a high level of transparency - the only way you can be intimate with someone is by being open about yourself and connecting with them at a deeper level.
Intimacy is often considered to just mean physical intimacy. However, just having physical or sexual intimacy is not enough in a relationship. Other types of intimacy are important, too. For instance, experiential intimacy occurs when people have similar interests and hobbies and spend time engaging in them together. Intellectual intimacy exists when two people can mentally challenge each other.
There may be times when a certain kind of intimacy is lacking in your relationship. You may not even be aware of it, so here are some signs that you can look out for.
There may be times when the people involved in the relationship may want to make the relationship work, but may not realise that their relationship lacks intimacy. Many times, one or both people in a relationship might experience what is known as a fear of intimacy.
Even though intimacy is important in a relationship, it can be frightening. After all, it involves a lot of vulnerability and trust. This fear of intimacy could be brought about by a person’s beliefs and insecurities. A person may have abandonment issues and may be afraid of forming an emotional connection with someone, as they might always anticipate that the other person will eventually leave. They may also have a fear of rejection and may worry about opening up about their flaws or imperfections with their partner. A person who has control issues may find it difficult to be vulnerable or to let go of control. Someone who has been hurt in the past or has a history of abuse can also struggle with being emotionally intimate with another person.
Sometimes, even when a relationship is going well, a person with a fear of intimacy may find it difficult to connect with their partner. This could be because the positive way their partner sees them conflicts with the negative image one has of themselves. Or it may also be related to feelings of unworthiness. If you are facing such concerns, speaking to a therapist can help you overcome these insecurities and can help you form healthy emotional relationships with others.
Also read: Bringing Emotional Intimacy Back in Your Relationship
Emotional intimacy is crucial for any romantic relationship to survive and thrive. When partners are willing to express their flaws, failures and insecurities with each other, along with their hopes, dreams, and accomplishments, they are likely to be happier together.
A couple that is able to maintain healthy intimacy understands that every relationship has trouble. They are able to recognise that having problems or issues in a relationship is inevitable. This helps them be more open-minded and non-defensive when it comes to overcoming the problem. They are willing to communicate with each other more openly and will work collaboratively to find a solution.
There are a number of ways in which you can bring intimacy into your relationship. Here are some strategies that can help you.
Try to find ways in which you can spend more time with one another. Do something that makes you and your partner feel relaxed, comfortable, and entertained, and it also involves both of you equally. Try out a hobby that you both enjoy, play games or cook a meal together. When you schedule some time to spend with each other, make sure that you and your partner turn off notifications and keep your electronics away. This can allow you to spend quality time together.
It is possible that when some time has passed in a relationship, you get stuck in a monotonous routine. You can try doing something new to bring about some change, fun and excitement. This could involve taking a class together. Or it could mean doing something your partner has talked about in the past, but you have avoided. Maybe your partner has mentioned that they would appreciate your support in keeping the house clean. Start doing a few chores around the house regularly and consistently to help your relationship.
Even though you are in a relationship, you are still an individual. It is important that you also find time for yourself and focus on the things that matter to you. This could involve your career, personal growth, friendships, familial relationships, health and well-being. Unless you are able to tend to these other aspects of your life, you might not be able to be your best self in your relationship.
Sometimes, even though there are problems in a relationship, neither partner may be willing to acknowledge the concerns. It is important that you learn how to communicate and express your thoughts without being aggressive or passive. This also involves listening to one another before jumping in with ideas or advice. Once you are able to identify and acknowledge the problem, you can work together to resolve it. Remember that in a relationship, it is never you against your partner; instead, it is always your partner and you vs. the problem. If you have trouble doing so, you should consider visiting a couples therapist who can help you understand yourself and your partner better.
To develop emotional intimacy, it is important that you identify and label your own emotions and develop empathy towards your partner. This will help you be more attuned not just to how you are doing, but also to how your partner feels. Spend some time every day talking about what made you laugh that day. It is also important that you feel vulnerable enough to express negative emotions, such as anger, jealousy, sadness or grief, to your partner. Talk to your partner about your feelings and ask them for what you need from them. This can build a deep sense of vulnerability, trust and bonding.
There can be times, especially during an argument or conflict, when everything about your partner starts to bother you. Make a conscious attempt during such times to list out all the positive qualities about your partner and the things that you like about them. You can physically write this down or say it out loud to your partner. This will immediately help you feel more connected to them and can bring emotional intimacy to the forefront.
At the end of the day, no relationship is perfect. You and your partner may not agree about everything, you may fight with one another, and sometimes, you may even hurt each other’s feelings. However, this is part and parcel of being in a relationship. Making your relationship a priority and being committed to making things work can help you two build emotional intimacy. Remember that the foundation of any good relationship is trust, vulnerability and communication.